When things are looking up...

...they are actually in all reality are in the dumps! I just feel like I need a new life, i fucked this one up and I'm too far down the road to fix it. Why? I mean, I have every reason to complain about my life and at the same time, no room to complain at all!
First of all, I have a job, and I should be grateful, I am to a point. And not just any job, but a very good paying job at that. The problem thou is that I am at the bottom of my position and everything I do to attempt to advance has been thrown in my face. I'm told that I don't try hard enough, and I need to focus. I feel like a failure at my job, and my co-workers seem to get annoyed with me.
My personal life, I have friends...but no one that I'm very close to. Everyone else has a life, career, school, kids, family...etc...what do I have? 3 fucking cats and a dog! When I go out with my friends, sometimes I even feel used, for just a booty call, or dinner and a movie, or something I feel used about. I don't feel like I have much of a personal life at all. I tried to hang out with a few people that I like to hang out with, and now they never call or anything...I feel like something happened that made them not like me as a social person.
My Love Life....sucks! I'm in love with someone and I'm not even sure how to go about it. I've liked this guy for well over 4-5 years. I live with my ex and I cant get him to move out and he makes it hard to move on cause he cares so much about me and I just don't have the same feelings. It's sooo hard to live with the same person for 6 years and then change your lifestyle suddenly...I'm still not sure how to handle it. And then when the water finally clears, do I even want to try another stupid relationship again? Ugh!!!

Anyways...it's life.

January 2011!

Well, now that the new year is here...and well on it's way, I need to determine what I want to accomplish this year.

So for starters, the biggest thing that I'm involved in right now is getting my house. I just got notified yesterday that we are waiting on the appraisal for the bank (the house is a short sale), and we should be well on our way! So looking at moving in the first week of March, that would be nice. Now I need to get someone to take over my place and give notice to my lady. I feel kinda bad but hey, I need to move on too. What else....gonna do Zumba. Starting today I will take an 8 classes and then hopefully get into the Hip Hop Dance classes...if I can get my stamina up to par. Next after moving, I need to get with my 'room-mate/ex' and move him out. If were not together anymore, than we really need to part ways. Then after John is gone, I really need to live on my own for a bit...I know Jesse wants to start things up, but I still want some time to really be on my own.

When I move and on my own, I will end up with just my cat Anka and my little dog Chai, and I would also really like to start walking him every day like a good doggie parent. It's hard when it's cold outside and it gets dark. Oh well...shouldn't matter.

I also want to get plans ready for my backyard and get that started! I have an idea to do a Japanese garden in the back and along the walkway. Inside in my smaller bedroom I really want to just theme that room for whatever is going on at that time of year, that will be my guest room. Then the bigger second bedroom I think I wanna do my gaming room, and that will be crazy, not really themed, just put some cool stuff up. And then my living room isn't so big, not compared to the one I'm in right now, but I'm thinking pool table. Oh yes...that would be nice!

As far as my job goes...well, I am really disappointed at myself for not really putting myself out there. Everyone that has been in my position since I started has moved up. And I have tried 3 times to get myself going, and my self confidence has gone out the window, so I need to build myself back up and get it going. No more feeling sorry, and doubting myself. I need to jump in head first and go!!!

So....so far I got for this year: House-Zumba-Work Work Work-Walk Chai-John moved out-Game Room-Themed Room-Japanese Garden-Pool Table-and still go out and have fun downtown during the holidays!

So, lets see how this goes!

Libra Outlook for 2011

Libra

Oh the lessons you have endured over the course of 2010. You're not the same people-pleasing darling you were a mere 12 months ago. On the contrary darling -- you are in the midst of a powerful process of cultivating the kind of backbone that makes greatness. Thanks to big daddy Saturn you're learning your lessons well in relinquishing laziness, strengthening discipline, and realizing your authority. You're taking yourself more seriously in the arenas where it matters most. (Read: career and getting paid what you're worth.)

Relationships bring plenty of passion, drama and unexpected plot twists especially during the spring. By the time May rolls around you'll be dealing with an unprecedented amount of planetary energy firing up your relationship sector. With six planets including Venus, your ruler and Jupiter, the planet of abundance lining up in your partnership sector you'll be anything but lonely. The challenge lies in staying true to your own needs without getting lost in the persuasive me-me-me demands of your significant others.

Although some of Saturn's lessons will weigh in on a heavier note and perhaps depriving you of any former easy-outs or shortcuts, you have the uncanny ability to take it all in stride. There's something to be said for the inherent Libran laid-back approach to life's challenges. But under current planetary duress you may join the ranks of the stressful millions in your quest for regaining inner peace and unshakable equilibrium. Forever striving for that elusive balance, you're being put through the cosmic ringer when it comes to finding and holding your own with others. But you will get there Libra -- just you wait and see!

Christmas and the End of a Decade!

Well, wow! First of all, it's been since April when I last wrote about anything! Lets see, John and I broke up back in May...that was fun...Jesse and I are a bit closer than before ;) Haven't really been to the gym all summer, went with Simone a couple of times, that was fun, and nice! Mom has been on and off crazy as usual. Still workin, which is good right now, John is still living with me even thou, and I should be getting into a house hopefully soon! But my issue now is that I really don't know if I should let John move in with me. Everyone of my friends are telling me not to let him move, and I know it would be best (emotionally) if I don't. Financially it would be good for him to stay, but then he has to move out again within 6months to a year, and honestly I think he's just gonna try to prolong that cause it really is convenient for the both of us. But also, if he's there I can't really try to be on my own and have the time for myself, plus I can't really see anyone else cause that would be hella awkward for everyone involved. So, yea...that's my crap right now.

Other than that...Christmas is literally right around the corner and next stop is good old New Years! Christmas I think will be fun! I don't have much of a tree or presents, but that's OK, I think it will be a great time. Then I need to get my resolution list together for the upcoming year, last years list I did pretty good on. I went places, did things...and had a lot of fun! So hopefully I can do more stuff this next year and maybe get my shit together! and maybe write more in the mean time!!!!

Whats goin on...?

Well....lets see. I am waiting for summer to start so I can start going outside and doing fun things...like swimming, or skating the marina. Started working out with my buddy Jesse, that was a lotta fun...but now he doesn't wanna go with me anymore, I wonder if I gave him a bad vibe or something??? Well, thats cool, he'll come around, but I got Simone to go with me now, so not a total loss, hope to go tomorrow! My bf right now has been on and off pissing me off...not likin that! Had some serious fights and shit and nothin's resolved. Well, I joined Twitter (again)...the first time I was really confused, so I deleted it. But it seems like everyone is on or theres some cool stuff up, so I did another one. Follow me! http://twitter.com/hotwheelzchic 

Should I take a Chance???

Well, Well...I would say that it is about time, but then I was kinda dreading this day as well. Chance...the infamous 'ex', has decided to contact me once again, this time via facebook. I have to say, he has balls, after everything he's done he has the audacity to try to be my friend once again. Part of me says what the fuck, check it out, I can always delete him. Then part of me says don't even think about it! If I do, well first of all, Johnny will be livid pissed at me....among some of my other friends, and then Chance will also get an inside scoop of my life, which is really not what I want. It took me soooo long to get away from him and now that he's back, its just a bunch of mixed emotions now. I really, truly shouldn't. Then if I decide that I am definitely not gonna let him an inch back into my life, then do I let him know? Well...I am gonna think on this for a bit and really figure it out. Its very, very complex...

Venting!!!!

So, work. Work, work, work...fucking work! Its not so much the company, more like the people who work for the company, and they don't seem to know how to do their job. Its a freaking circus and there are monkeys putting on the show. I mean, it just seems like anyone can b-s their way through an interview and get any old job . People kissin' other people's ass just to get their foot in the door! I'm sorry that I don't brag about myself, and I don't always have a story about being better than everyone. I know I am not very articulate, and I don't really interview well, but I can work my ass off. I can get the job done, plus some! It also helps when you have a 'fair' interview too.....I mean that's just how I feel. And the sucky part is that there really isn't anything you can do about it except be happy you even have a job. And I do realize that work is very, very hard to find right now, but really...and another thing, where has customer service gone? Doesn't it seem like anytime you need help whether it is over the phone or in the store, there is some wise-crack dumb ass that really doesn't wanna help you and could really care less about what the fuck is going on! Companies are just hiring any local scum-bag so they can save some money. But you know what? Karma. That's right, good old fashioned Karma. It's gonna kick in on everyone one of these days and people are gonna have to suck it! Suffer...deal...oh yes. I actually think that part of the economy crap that's going on is just the start of it. People aren't gonna wanna do business with companies that have shitty employee's. So, we shall see what happens....

So anyways, I'm sure you can tell that I am a bit bitter...and I only hope that I can get over it by the end of the week. I mean, I really have to suck it up until March, and then hopefully I can breathe and not have to worry about the shit that's making my life a living hell! But I have my real, true friends to thank for helping me keep my sanity, I love you guys!
 

Happy Obama Day!!!

I just wanna say how grateful I am to have such a wonderful person to be our next president! Finally someone to clean up Bush's mess. But at the same time I feel sorry for him, because no matter who is in that office, it will be hard. I am very happy to have someone that has the balls to bring our country back and get it back on track and especially to bring our troops home!
I just want to say that I don't know that much about politics, but I will check things out before I jump into stuff, and from what I know, our troops have basically been fighting for nothing. Just keeping oil safe in Iraq because oil tycoons (Bush, Cheney, and the rest of the cabinet) want to keep their investments safe. Bush is no idiot, he was well trained by his father about how to run the country, and he sure ran it into the ground.
Not too long ago I spoke with a very good friend of mine that served several years in Iraq, and she told me about all the crap that goes on, and that our government has no clue on what's happening over there. We need to get outta that country and get back on our feet! How the hell can we protect our country from terrorists, when were almost close to a recession and economic failure??? And then everyone is blaming 9-11 and all that crap, well I do give Bush props for getting Saddam Hussein. But that should have been the end of it, and it wasn't. That's where I think Bush went wrong, among other things. Bush did choose WAR, and because of that people close to him gained profit from that. When we got hit in Pearl Harbor, it was almost as bad as 9-11, and that got us into a World War.
So anyways...I am once again very happy that Obama will lead us. He is not only very smart, but his wife is even smarter that he is! Plus he picked an awesome vice to help him in areas that he knows he needs help in. He's not afraid to take a challenge and is very family oriented. So the torch has been passed people, get over it! The next generation has picked up the slack, and going forward. Next will we will be able to have the right to gay marriage around the Nation, which should be allowed since we have freedom of religion, it's not up to us to judge people on what they do, they should be able to be happy to do as they wish. But that's another segment.
Lets just be happy and celebrate, for it is Obama Day!

VOTE!

Well, today I voted for the first time in my life, and I'm pretty excited about it. I also want to say that I voted Barak Obama for president and that I believe in him. So GO OBAMA!!!!!!