When things are looking up...

...they are actually in all reality are in the dumps! I just feel like I need a new life, i fucked this one up and I'm too far down the road to fix it. Why? I mean, I have every reason to complain about my life and at the same time, no room to complain at all!
First of all, I have a job, and I should be grateful, I am to a point. And not just any job, but a very good paying job at that. The problem thou is that I am at the bottom of my position and everything I do to attempt to advance has been thrown in my face. I'm told that I don't try hard enough, and I need to focus. I feel like a failure at my job, and my co-workers seem to get annoyed with me.
My personal life, I have friends...but no one that I'm very close to. Everyone else has a life, career, school, kids, family...etc...what do I have? 3 fucking cats and a dog! When I go out with my friends, sometimes I even feel used, for just a booty call, or dinner and a movie, or something I feel used about. I don't feel like I have much of a personal life at all. I tried to hang out with a few people that I like to hang out with, and now they never call or anything...I feel like something happened that made them not like me as a social person.
My Love Life....sucks! I'm in love with someone and I'm not even sure how to go about it. I've liked this guy for well over 4-5 years. I live with my ex and I cant get him to move out and he makes it hard to move on cause he cares so much about me and I just don't have the same feelings. It's sooo hard to live with the same person for 6 years and then change your lifestyle suddenly...I'm still not sure how to handle it. And then when the water finally clears, do I even want to try another stupid relationship again? Ugh!!!

Anyways...it's life.

January 2011!

Well, now that the new year is here...and well on it's way, I need to determine what I want to accomplish this year.

So for starters, the biggest thing that I'm involved in right now is getting my house. I just got notified yesterday that we are waiting on the appraisal for the bank (the house is a short sale), and we should be well on our way! So looking at moving in the first week of March, that would be nice. Now I need to get someone to take over my place and give notice to my lady. I feel kinda bad but hey, I need to move on too. What else....gonna do Zumba. Starting today I will take an 8 classes and then hopefully get into the Hip Hop Dance classes...if I can get my stamina up to par. Next after moving, I need to get with my 'room-mate/ex' and move him out. If were not together anymore, than we really need to part ways. Then after John is gone, I really need to live on my own for a bit...I know Jesse wants to start things up, but I still want some time to really be on my own.

When I move and on my own, I will end up with just my cat Anka and my little dog Chai, and I would also really like to start walking him every day like a good doggie parent. It's hard when it's cold outside and it gets dark. Oh well...shouldn't matter.

I also want to get plans ready for my backyard and get that started! I have an idea to do a Japanese garden in the back and along the walkway. Inside in my smaller bedroom I really want to just theme that room for whatever is going on at that time of year, that will be my guest room. Then the bigger second bedroom I think I wanna do my gaming room, and that will be crazy, not really themed, just put some cool stuff up. And then my living room isn't so big, not compared to the one I'm in right now, but I'm thinking pool table. Oh yes...that would be nice!

As far as my job goes...well, I am really disappointed at myself for not really putting myself out there. Everyone that has been in my position since I started has moved up. And I have tried 3 times to get myself going, and my self confidence has gone out the window, so I need to build myself back up and get it going. No more feeling sorry, and doubting myself. I need to jump in head first and go!!!

So....so far I got for this year: House-Zumba-Work Work Work-Walk Chai-John moved out-Game Room-Themed Room-Japanese Garden-Pool Table-and still go out and have fun downtown during the holidays!

So, lets see how this goes!