Seems like the hardest thing to do! OMG....why? WHY!?!?!?!? I cant stand feeling this way. So update: The stupid guy that I liked sooooo much, well apparently he has better things to do than show a little attention to a girl that he's kinda/sorta dating, lets just be friends. Huh, right? So, in chick language that equals-your too needy and I just need someone to fuck on the side. And what the fuck is with men and this 'friends' bullshit that they like to use as a cover up? Well, unfortunately I really like him...really really bad. That's where I need to get over it. But then I ask myself, why? Why do I like him sooo much, when there are so many other (older/mature) guys out there that would give me the world?!?!? I cant answer that. So I need to confront this guy and just lay it all on the table. He has no idea what he has done to my emotions and my feelings, so I feel like I need to let him know, then I think I can move on. I'm pretty sure that's part of my problem, is that he has no clue. At least that's how he's acting. Another one bites the dust I guess....
Well, speaking of guys that would give me the world...I think I found one in this mess of things. Another good friend of mine recommended that I talk to him because he felt that he could relate to what I was going throu. So I did....no harm right, he lives in California. Wow...! This innocent rant of a broken hearted conversation has flipped into so much more. I had not expected this at all. He is one of the sweetest, most caring, loving guys that I have ever met. One problem thou, he lives 9 hours away....ROAD TRIP! But yea, he is coming up to visit me in 2 weeks!!!
So one Sunday, I'm just a mess...laying in bed around noon, depressed and sad and crying...like I have been. So this guy messages me, just how ya doing...so I'm honest. What does he do...the one thing that I needed the most and I didn't even know it, a picture of his dog with that sad face. And then we just kinda hit it off from there. Talk every day, every night. Next thing I know, after a week of non-stop talking to each other, he wants me to be in his life-permanently! I should be scared, I mean...I just met this guy a couple weeks ago on the internet and he wants to have a life with me. I told him to wait at least until we meet each other in person. He's flying up here to see me in 2 weeks now!!!I'm really excited, at first I didn't know what to think, but now I'm really happy. So now the problem is a long distance relationship, which I do not want to do, and my house. I just bought it, so moving is almost out of the question! But this guy also has a career and a solid job that he can't really leave, plus he lives on the ocean, who would want to give that up? I know that I really have nothing here, so moving doesn't sound at all that bad. Its just now I'm a little worried cause the last guy came and went so fast, and I don't want to be stuck in a place where I have to start all over if things don't work out. Its really risky. So I guess I'm gonna attempt to give it about a year or so and then see what happens. If I find that I can't live without him, then yea...I'll move.
So...so far, that's my life. Doing shitty...just trying to get back into the scene and get into the social friendship network. After the last 5-6 years moved without me, I need to restart. I need to find myself, and who I am and just restart and be me!
