Love Sick!

So here I am...sicker than a dog over a guy! I never, ever, thought that I would be the type of person that could catch this dreadful disease. Its the new guy too...the one I met roughly a month and a half ago. I am so wrapped up in emotions over him that its been driving me crazy. I can't honestly say it's love, its way too soon to really blame that, I feel like it is, but I know its too soon and it could just be an infatuation. He just really made me feel so complete when we first met, and now it seems to have slowly tapered off into nothing. So now I haven't heard from him in the last 24-48 hours and after what I recall as the best sex I've ever had. But it's not all about the sex, right?-well for me, I take that pretty seriously. I wonder if I'm missing something, or if there is something wrong that I'm not aware of? Some people are saying that I'm acting way too clingy for the time frame that its been. Some say that I need to back off and let him come to me since it seems like I do all the pursuing. Then, what I should consider the most obvious is that I need to wait until the ex is out before I start thinking serious terms. Yes, the ex is still around. I've actually moved into my game room, I know-WTF are you doing sleeping on a futon in the game room in your own house!?!?!?!?!? Its what I have to do, sacrifices that I need to make cause he ain't gonna move into another room and sacrifice his precious bed...you would think that he would want to do that for me anyways.

So back to reality.

Since this new guy has been drifting off, at first I thought that he was maybe seeing someone else. But then he said he wasn't, and there was really no evidence and he didn't seem like a liar at all. He just happens to be suddenly extremely busy all the time! Well, and this new thing just dropped in his lap that could possibly change his future as far as his career goes. I really hope it works, but I have my doubts. But being the person I am, I have learned that you just need to keep certain opinions to yourself, because some things actually do work out. So this new thing has been taking up a lot of his free time, and then with summer around the corner his work has been a lot more demanding. So of course his free time will be relaxing, that's what I would do I guess.

So going forward (I might change my mind depending on the situation) I just might have to tell him that I would like to get to know him more and that when he has more free time for me, to just call me. I can't do the 'half' relationship that we are doing. Honestly I have no idea what kind of relationship we are even in! I don't know how serious he wants to take things. I know he wants to go slow until I get my ex situation taken care of, but we are not taking it slow at all. Slow is not equal to nonexistent. I want to be his friend at least, and get to know him a lot more that's for sure. But its hard to be friends with someone that doesn't hold a conversation at all, and seems to forget about you a lot. I guess that means I'm not as 'perfect' as I once was I was.

Spinning Out of Control!

How! How did this happen, and so quickly. I mean, one minute I’m in a 5 year relationship, then it's over...but the ex doesn’t want to leave. So I let him stay-big mistake. Then after a year, I run into what I think is the most incredible guy that I've met in a long, long time. Who cares that he is 6 years younger than I am…he is really hot, very sweet, and has his shit together. Pretty rare for his age I think. He tells me that he likes girls that are responsible and don’t have drama…well, guess what! I think I have drama with my stupid ex still in the house, AND we still sleep in the same bed. What the hell am I supposed to do here!?!?!?!?! I know, I know….kick him out. But there are all these ‘buts=what if it doesnt work out with this new guy, or what if I don't like living by myself...' and even before I met this amazing guy, my other buddy told me to kick the ex out, to not even let him move into my new place! The ex is hard to convince to move on thou. It’s really hard to convince him to leave. He is still a good friend,

and I really hope that he can move on without relying on me so much. I guess first things first...buy a bed for myself. I need to still remember focus on getting what I want for me! Not to go and do stuff because of someone else. So think about my actions, analyze the best situation for myself and go!!!

Welcome Home!

So I have officially moved all my stuff to my first home!!! And let me tell you, that after a week of painting the whole thing, It looks amazing and was worth it. I painted the living room twice, and the Master bedroom twice as well, and I ended up

painting a hallway black,  the colors all over look amazing, plus an extra trip or two to the paint store to hang out with the hot paint guy was also worth it ;) So now that I have moved in, what to do with my living situation. My 'roommie' has moved his bed into the master bedroom. First of all, I don't have a bed of my own, and second of all it wouldn't be able to fit anywhere else. I think I might have to crash in the living room until we can get the whole thing straightened out. I think I would like it in my new place by myself, I might get more done. I mean, he even took off 2 days of work and just lectured me on I am wasting my time painting and not even helping. If he would've helped me then I might have had all the walls painted. I just have the window sills and the fireplace left to do, little stuff. And now that a lot of my crap is in here, I get to sort and separate and get rid of the crap. I am looking for a good dining room table, since I had a bar area at the last place and no table, now I need the table. I found a few that I think I like, lets hope they are pretty cheap. I don't have very much left after I put the down on my house and paid some stuff off too. But I think it was well worth it. I still need to read my doc's so I know who to pay...lol..., anyways Love my new home, I think I will call it the House of Hyrule. I now need to organize, finish painting, start the backyard project, and get my crazy room-mate situation under control. Wish me luck!!!!

When things are looking up...

...they are actually in all reality are in the dumps! I just feel like I need a new life, i fucked this one up and I'm too far down the road to fix it. Why? I mean, I have every reason to complain about my life and at the same time, no room to complain at all!
First of all, I have a job, and I should be grateful, I am to a point. And not just any job, but a very good paying job at that. The problem thou is that I am at the bottom of my position and everything I do to attempt to advance has been thrown in my face. I'm told that I don't try hard enough, and I need to focus. I feel like a failure at my job, and my co-workers seem to get annoyed with me.
My personal life, I have friends...but no one that I'm very close to. Everyone else has a life, career, school, kids, family...etc...what do I have? 3 fucking cats and a dog! When I go out with my friends, sometimes I even feel used, for just a booty call, or dinner and a movie, or something I feel used about. I don't feel like I have much of a personal life at all. I tried to hang out with a few people that I like to hang out with, and now they never call or anything...I feel like something happened that made them not like me as a social person.
My Love Life....sucks! I'm in love with someone and I'm not even sure how to go about it. I've liked this guy for well over 4-5 years. I live with my ex and I cant get him to move out and he makes it hard to move on cause he cares so much about me and I just don't have the same feelings. It's sooo hard to live with the same person for 6 years and then change your lifestyle suddenly...I'm still not sure how to handle it. And then when the water finally clears, do I even want to try another stupid relationship again? Ugh!!!

Anyways...it's life.

January 2011!

Well, now that the new year is here...and well on it's way, I need to determine what I want to accomplish this year.

So for starters, the biggest thing that I'm involved in right now is getting my house. I just got notified yesterday that we are waiting on the appraisal for the bank (the house is a short sale), and we should be well on our way! So looking at moving in the first week of March, that would be nice. Now I need to get someone to take over my place and give notice to my lady. I feel kinda bad but hey, I need to move on too. What else....gonna do Zumba. Starting today I will take an 8 classes and then hopefully get into the Hip Hop Dance classes...if I can get my stamina up to par. Next after moving, I need to get with my 'room-mate/ex' and move him out. If were not together anymore, than we really need to part ways. Then after John is gone, I really need to live on my own for a bit...I know Jesse wants to start things up, but I still want some time to really be on my own.

When I move and on my own, I will end up with just my cat Anka and my little dog Chai, and I would also really like to start walking him every day like a good doggie parent. It's hard when it's cold outside and it gets dark. Oh well...shouldn't matter.

I also want to get plans ready for my backyard and get that started! I have an idea to do a Japanese garden in the back and along the walkway. Inside in my smaller bedroom I really want to just theme that room for whatever is going on at that time of year, that will be my guest room. Then the bigger second bedroom I think I wanna do my gaming room, and that will be crazy, not really themed, just put some cool stuff up. And then my living room isn't so big, not compared to the one I'm in right now, but I'm thinking pool table. Oh yes...that would be nice!

As far as my job goes...well, I am really disappointed at myself for not really putting myself out there. Everyone that has been in my position since I started has moved up. And I have tried 3 times to get myself going, and my self confidence has gone out the window, so I need to build myself back up and get it going. No more feeling sorry, and doubting myself. I need to jump in head first and go!!!

So....so far I got for this year: House-Zumba-Work Work Work-Walk Chai-John moved out-Game Room-Themed Room-Japanese Garden-Pool Table-and still go out and have fun downtown during the holidays!

So, lets see how this goes!

Libra Outlook for 2011

Libra

Oh the lessons you have endured over the course of 2010. You're not the same people-pleasing darling you were a mere 12 months ago. On the contrary darling -- you are in the midst of a powerful process of cultivating the kind of backbone that makes greatness. Thanks to big daddy Saturn you're learning your lessons well in relinquishing laziness, strengthening discipline, and realizing your authority. You're taking yourself more seriously in the arenas where it matters most. (Read: career and getting paid what you're worth.)

Relationships bring plenty of passion, drama and unexpected plot twists especially during the spring. By the time May rolls around you'll be dealing with an unprecedented amount of planetary energy firing up your relationship sector. With six planets including Venus, your ruler and Jupiter, the planet of abundance lining up in your partnership sector you'll be anything but lonely. The challenge lies in staying true to your own needs without getting lost in the persuasive me-me-me demands of your significant others.

Although some of Saturn's lessons will weigh in on a heavier note and perhaps depriving you of any former easy-outs or shortcuts, you have the uncanny ability to take it all in stride. There's something to be said for the inherent Libran laid-back approach to life's challenges. But under current planetary duress you may join the ranks of the stressful millions in your quest for regaining inner peace and unshakable equilibrium. Forever striving for that elusive balance, you're being put through the cosmic ringer when it comes to finding and holding your own with others. But you will get there Libra -- just you wait and see!

Christmas and the End of a Decade!

Well, wow! First of all, it's been since April when I last wrote about anything! Lets see, John and I broke up back in May...that was fun...Jesse and I are a bit closer than before ;) Haven't really been to the gym all summer, went with Simone a couple of times, that was fun, and nice! Mom has been on and off crazy as usual. Still workin, which is good right now, John is still living with me even thou, and I should be getting into a house hopefully soon! But my issue now is that I really don't know if I should let John move in with me. Everyone of my friends are telling me not to let him move, and I know it would be best (emotionally) if I don't. Financially it would be good for him to stay, but then he has to move out again within 6months to a year, and honestly I think he's just gonna try to prolong that cause it really is convenient for the both of us. But also, if he's there I can't really try to be on my own and have the time for myself, plus I can't really see anyone else cause that would be hella awkward for everyone involved. So, yea...that's my crap right now.

Other than that...Christmas is literally right around the corner and next stop is good old New Years! Christmas I think will be fun! I don't have much of a tree or presents, but that's OK, I think it will be a great time. Then I need to get my resolution list together for the upcoming year, last years list I did pretty good on. I went places, did things...and had a lot of fun! So hopefully I can do more stuff this next year and maybe get my shit together! and maybe write more in the mean time!!!!

Whats goin on...?

Well....lets see. I am waiting for summer to start so I can start going outside and doing fun things...like swimming, or skating the marina. Started working out with my buddy Jesse, that was a lotta fun...but now he doesn't wanna go with me anymore, I wonder if I gave him a bad vibe or something??? Well, thats cool, he'll come around, but I got Simone to go with me now, so not a total loss, hope to go tomorrow! My bf right now has been on and off pissing me off...not likin that! Had some serious fights and shit and nothin's resolved. Well, I joined Twitter (again)...the first time I was really confused, so I deleted it. But it seems like everyone is on or theres some cool stuff up, so I did another one. Follow me! http://twitter.com/hotwheelzchic 

Should I take a Chance???

Well, Well...I would say that it is about time, but then I was kinda dreading this day as well. Chance...the infamous 'ex', has decided to contact me once again, this time via facebook. I have to say, he has balls, after everything he's done he has the audacity to try to be my friend once again. Part of me says what the fuck, check it out, I can always delete him. Then part of me says don't even think about it! If I do, well first of all, Johnny will be livid pissed at me....among some of my other friends, and then Chance will also get an inside scoop of my life, which is really not what I want. It took me soooo long to get away from him and now that he's back, its just a bunch of mixed emotions now. I really, truly shouldn't. Then if I decide that I am definitely not gonna let him an inch back into my life, then do I let him know? Well...I am gonna think on this for a bit and really figure it out. Its very, very complex...